User:Booksandanimeareawesome



Kira's coming! Hide your faces!

Just kidding, you're safe.

Hi! Call me Books, Anime, BAAAA, or anything you want unless it's rude, dirty words. Welcome to my profile!

www.fanfiction.net/~pinerdofthehephaestuscabin This is my fanfiction.

www.fictionpress.net/~pinerdofthehephaestuscabin This is my fictionpress.

I JUST WON THE NANOWRIMO 2014! :-)

Favorite color: red

Favorite type of music: Classical and Contemporary Christian(No, I'm serious. Really.)

Age: between 10 and 50!

Celebrities I dislike strongly (hate is too strong a word): Psy, One Direction, Miley Cyrus, and Justin Bieber

I'm a Protestant (for idiots out there who don't know what that means, it means Christian but not Catholic.)

I'm a nerd and proud of it!

I LOOOOOOOOOVE reading!

I'm paranoid.

My friend and me discussing Naruto when I haven't read any yet:

My friend: "You should read Naruto."

Me: "What's the plot based on? Eating Japanese fish cakes?"

Now for the first 50 digits of pi!

3.1415926535897932384626433832795028849716939937510

NEVER  see the movie before you read the book, because the movie people always get it wrong. Since I'm a PJO fan, take The Lightning Thief for example. They producers skipped the funniest parts, made Percy and Annabeth significantly older, and meshed Annabeth and Clarisse's characters together. And while we're on the subject of Greek Mythology, let's talk about Hercules. The Disney movie doesn't even use Hercules's Greek name (It's Heracles by the way, which means joy of Hera. Really ironic.), but all the other gods are Greek. And Hera is his mother and Hades is the bad guy who wants to kill him. Crazy, right? And in the Disney version for Alice and Wonderland, they introduce the Cheshire cat all wrong. It's supposed to be in a kitchen, as a pet! And Tweedledum and Tweedledee don't show up until the the sequel,  Alice's Adventures Through the Looking Glass,  (Yes,  Alice's Adventures in Wonderland  actually has a sequel) And the other version is even worse. In the other version, Alice kills the Jabberwocky. In the actual book,  Alice's Adventures in Wonderland,  the Jabberwocky doesn't exist! It doesn't show up until  Alice's Adventures Through the Looking Glass, and then it shows up in a poem! So, always read the book first!

Here's some jokes:

Two guys were sitting in a park when a thunderstorms starts. One guy says," Thunderstorms coming! Run into the forest and hide under a tall tree for shelter!" The other guy says, "No, let's go hide on the roof next to the lightning rod!"(For those of you who didn't get that joke, shame on you, you should know your thunderstorm saftey rules better!

There once lived three brothers. Their names were Shut Up, Shirt, and Poop. Blame their mom, she was a tad psycho. Now, Shut Up went to go visit their cousins on their mom's side. Their cousin's names were Trouble and Manners. As you can probably tell, slight mental disability ran in the family. But Shirt and Poop decided not to go because they wanted to go to an AOT/SNK convention. I don't blame them, AOT/SNK is awesome. Anyways, Shut Up drove, and he was speeding and shirtless. And since Shirt was sensible, he was buckled up in the backseat, so if there was an accident he wouldn't take the brunt of the force. Poop was also sort of mentally unstable, so he had his window open and his seatbelt off. So Poop leaned out the window because he saw a deer, and because Shut Up was speeding and Poop was leaning out pretty far, he fell out the window. A policeman started walking over, and Shut Up pulled over so Shirt could get out and look for their brother. The policeman came over and said,

"Young man, you were speeding. I'm going to have to give you a ticket. What is your name?"

Shut Up, of course, had to say,"Shut Up, sir."

The policeman replied,"Now, if you want this to end well, don't say that again. Now what is your name?"

"Shut Up, sir."

"Where's your shirt?"

"Shirt went to get poop."

After a ton of explaining and Shirt and Poop coming back, Shut UpID65 was fined and the policeman went away. So the three brothers drove on.

When they got to Trouble and Manners's house, Shut Up went in, and Trouble and Manners drove to their AOT/SNK convention. The next day, Trouble went missing. So Shut Up and Manners went to the police station to go get help. Shut Up went inside, and Manners stayed in the car. Shut Up went to a polican and said,

"Sir, I am looking for my cousin. I woke up this morning and he wasn't in the house and didn't come home after an hour."

The policeman said,"What is your name?"

Shut Up, of course, had to say,"Shut Up, sir."

The policeman replied,"Now, if you want this to end well, don't say that again. Now what is your name?"

"Shut Up, sir."

"Where are you manners?"

"In the car, sir."

"Who are you looking for?"

"Trouble."

After a lot of explaining and Manners coming in to help, the policeman went back to their house with them and conducted a search. They found Trouble in a kitchen cabinet that locked from the outside because Trouble was paranoid and had the locks installed a while ago. After Shut Up got home, he legally changed his name to Bob.

PJO parent quiz:

CHILD OF ZEUS

You like being in charge. You often wish you could just zap someone with a thunderbolt. You were voted Class President. You do what’s best for everyone. You think you have what it takes to run for President. You think every problem has a solutionYou love showing off. You like plane rides. You are hydrophobic.

5/10

CHILD OF POSEIDON

You feel at home in the water. Your favorite vacation place is at the beach. You enjoy snorkelling, scuba diving, surfing, etc. You want to do something about the marine species being abused today. You visit the local pool on a regular basis. You swim professionally. You hate seafood. You never get seasick. You’d rather ride a boat than a plane. You are acrophobiac.

2/10

CHILD OF HADES

You’re not that much of a people person. You like staying in the dark and writing. You experience bad moods on a regular basis.You like listening to loud, angry music. You spend most of your time alone. You think parties are sometimes loud and annoying. You like to keep to yourself. All your closets are padlocked (or you wish they could be). You write in diary/journal/blog. You feel most active at night.

2/10

CHILD OF DEMETER

You own a garden. You like the great outdoors. You have a green thumb. You’re an environmentalist. You have a special connection with animals. You’re a vegetarian. You like going hiking, camping, and looking at the natural wonders of the world. You always check a product if it’s environmentally-friendly. You love going to flower shops. You think global warming is a threat that must be dealt with.

4/10

CHILD OF ARES

You often start fights. You’re a very aggressive type of person. You like watching wrestling. You’re competitive. You like reading about war. You don’t take crap from anybody. You have anger management. You never back away from a fight. Everyone does what you say. You don’t always think before you do something.

5/10

CHILD OF ATHENA

You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. You’re probably the only person who visit the library on a regular basis. Half of your Christmas presents last year were books. You like reading about war, mostly about the reasons and controversies behind it. You’re the valedictorian in your class. You’ve never gotten a grade below 80 in your report card. You get political jokes without asking people to explain them. You think it would be better if you were the President. You have a huge shelf of books at home. You think vinyl pocket protectors are useful.

8/10

CHILD OF APOLLO

You’re very creative and artistic. You like listening to all kinds of music in general. You always feel sunny and optimistic. You are talented at drawing. You like writing poetry. You can play at least 3 musical instruments. You like going to art museums. You almost always win 1st Place in Art Contests. You have straight A's in Art on your report card. Your school notebook has more doodles than notes.

5/10

HUNTER OF ARTEMIS

You dislike boys in general. A deer is one of your favorite animals. You can shoot targets. You like silver. You like the moon better than the sun. Zoe Nightshade is awesome. You love wild animals. You spend most of your time outdoors. You love to move around the place. Hunting is not cruel, if it's to hunt down monsters.

7/10

CHILD OF HEPHAESTUS

You have a way with tools. You build awesome things during your free time. You’re the best at Woodshop in your class. Metalworking is your forte. You have your own toolbox. You often search the Internet to look for pictures of robots. You’re a techie. You often have carpentry projects. You dream of being a carpenter. You aren’t afraid of fire.

2/10

CHILD OF APHRODITE

Every guy/girl swoons for you. You like putting on makeup. You naturally smell good. You never experience a bad hair day. Your favorite activity is clothes-shopping. You’re always at the front of every trend. You’re the popular girl/guy at your school. You’re often invited to parties. Your motto is "It’s never a party without me.” You look at yourself in the mirror on a regular basis.

0/10

CHILD OF HERMES

You like pickpocketing your friends. You’re a prankster. You’re a speed demon. You consider yourself restless. You’re the best speaker in the class. You like thinking on your feet and using your wits. You’re inventive and resourceful. You often start arguments. You’ve never lost a debate. You like making witty and sarcastic statements.

10/10

CHILD OF DIONYSUS

You’re the life of the party. You like wine. You've probably tasted every alcoholic drink out there. You can finish a martini in less than a minute. You have a happy, cheerful disposition. You’re a foodie. You like going to social events and mingling with people. You like trying out new food. You feel that you’re abundant in life. You think that too much of anything is bad.

5/10

So I'm a smart child of Hermes who joined the Hunters of Artemis. Interesting.

This profile will be long so you will have to scroll for my stories! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The Levi Ackerman section (because he's hilarious)

Levi Ackerman's 5 Expressions:

Happy: ._.

Sad: ._.

In between: ._.

Clean: :-)

Dirty: >X-(

Levi's quotes:

[To a group of Titans] "Each and every one of you... making those silly faces."

"Nile, are your brains as hollow as that peach fuzz of yours?"

"Whether you have the body, dead is dead."

"Don't get me wrong. It's not like I trust him [Eren]. If he betrays us or goes berserk, I'll put him down without hesitation."

[To Eren] "Is it okay if we cut off your hands and legs?"

The Hanji Section (Because she's awesome. Awesomer than Levi.)

--When the Survey Corps are about to go on an expedition--

Hanji: "What type of titan will we see this time? It would be great if we could see an Abberrant!"

Levi: "We already have one."

Hanji: "Huh? Where?" *whips her head around*

Levi: *reaches out and turns Hanji's head towards him* "Right here."

The Sasha Braus/Blouse section (Because she's the awesomest scout to ever live):

THE POTATO CONVERSATION

Keith Shadis: Hey. F*er. What the f* are you doing?

Sasha: *eats potato*

Keith Shadis: I AM MOTHER F*ING TALKING TO YOU! WHO THE F* DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Sasha: *swallows bite of potato and salutes* Sasha Braus, sir! I'm from the southern Wall Rose village of Dauper, sir!

Keith Shadis: Sasha Braus. What is that thing in your right hand?

Sasha: A boiled potato, sir. I saw it in the kitchens and it looked delicious.

Keith Shadis: So you stole it? Why? Why would you choose to eat it  now ?

Sasha: Potatoes are much more delicious when they're hot. I thought I should act swiftly.

Keith Shadis: Nope. I still don't get it. Why would you eat a potato?

Sasha: You seriously don't know why human beings eat potatoes?

Everyone stares at Sasha*

Sasha: *breaks potato into two pieces, giving Shadis the smaller piece* Tch. I'll give you this half. [It looks more like 1/4 to 1/3]

Keith Shadis: This... half?

Sasha: *smiles*

Carpe diem=French for YOLO

Here's some stuff I found on other people's profiles, don't judge if they're weird because I'm a weird person... :-)

Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity:

1. At lunch time, sit in a parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down...

2.Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3.Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.

4.Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso...

5. In the Memo field of all your checks, write "for smuggling jewels".

6.Finish all of your sentences with "In accordance with The Prophecy."

7.Order a Diet Water whenever you go out with a serious face.

8.Specify that your drive-through order is to-go.

9.When money come out of the automatic teller machine (the ATM for those idiots don't know anything about banks out there) scream, "I won! I won!"

10.When leaving the zoo, scream, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

11.Tell your children over dinner,"Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go."

12.Buy a trick knife on your next trip somewhere. See if the security guys pick it up... ( I actually did this when my family went to Las Vegas. The officers sarched our bag, by the way.)

13.And a final way to keep a healthy level of insanity... put this in your Profile!

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Repost this if you believe in God...

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. ( BOLD  the ones you are.)

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I CUT MY WRISTS, so I MUST be emo. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz. I'm JAMAICAN, so I MUST smoke weed. I'm HAITIAN, so I MUST eat cat. I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a snob. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell. I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell. I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat. I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals. I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people. I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible. I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay. I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash. I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy. I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants. I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem. I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage. I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore. I'm a DANCER, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut. I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs. I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob. I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars. I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy. I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore. I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut. I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals. I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one". I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST! I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin. I HAVE STRAIGHT A's, so I MUST have no social life. I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual. I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be making love to them all. I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player. I have BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a whore. I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer. I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser. I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi. I hang out with homosexuals, so I must be homosexual too. I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG ASS. I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited. I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13. I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy. I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy. I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas. I’m a STONER, so I MUST be going in the wrong direction. I’m STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent. I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly... or crazy. I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid. I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly. I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff. I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks. I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7. I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. I'm MIXED, so I must be screwed up. I'm MUSLIM, so I MUST be a terrorist. I'm BLACK, so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA I'm MORMON, so I MUST have seven wives. I'm WHITE and have black friends, so I MUST think I'm black. I'm GOTH, so I MUST worship the devil. I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty. I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control. I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Fitch. I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore. I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve. I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border. I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat. I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon. I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot. I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis. I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay. I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich. I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino. I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party. I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo. I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy. I support homosexual rights, so I MUST fit in with everyone. I HANG OUT with teenage DRINKERS AND SMOKERS, so I MUST smoke and drink too. I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social. I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy. I tell people OFF, so I MUST be a controlling harridan. My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills. I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over-controlling and a mean person. I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs. I read manga, so I MUST be a loser. I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE... so I MUST be a whore myself. I'm TEXAN, so I MUST ride a horse. I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist. I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual. I draw ANIME, so I MUST be a freak. I am a FANGIRL, so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled. I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak. I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep. I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent. I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend. I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on welfare. I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth. I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid. I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and A MURDERER! I'm BRITISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future. I'm CHINESE, so I MUST eat dog. I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE. I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue. I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber- sex. I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins. I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan. I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against abortion. I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian. I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see. I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED. I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST. I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST. I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick. I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast. I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish. I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard. I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean. I'm STRONG so I MUST be stupid. I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos. I go to RENAISSANCES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times. I'm GAY so I'm after EVERY straight guy around. I don't want a GIRLFRIEND so I MUST be gay. I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting. I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak. I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life. I am friends with a CUTTER (or ex-cutter), so I MUST be a CUTTER too. I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp. I can't help pointing out mistakes, so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist. I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake. I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life much, so I MUST be having problems. I like FIRE so I MUST be an arsonist. I'm a CUTTER so I MUST want to commit SUICIDE. I have been to THERAPY so I MUST be crazy. I have been ABUSED, so I MUST be an abuser. I watch SOUTH PARK, so I MUST cuss and not care about it. I watch FAMILY GUY, so I MUST make senseless jokes all of the time. I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:

Fangirl A: "I'm a Harry Potter fan and I want to go to Hogwarts!"

Thumbs up if you like Percy Jackson!!! Thumbs down if...you're a titan, evil primordial deity, or a giant...

Thumbs up if you like Harry Potter!!!! Thumbs down if...you're Voldemort...

Thumbs up if you like Twilight!!! Thumbs down if...you're Victoria...

Thumbs up if you like the Hunger Games!!!! Thumbs down if...you're President Snow...

Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

Boys are like Slinkies. . . useless, but fun to watch fall down stairs.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

I'm not afraid of death. What's it going to do, kill me?

When in doubt, make up words!

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'? Congress? Thought so.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said i was blaming you.

Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise. WISDOM!

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just  don't have film.

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled, "BANG", I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.

There's a light at the end of every tunnel... let's just hope it's not a train.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Flying is not inherently dangerous—crashing is.

Forecast for tonight: darkness.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water!

"Be yourself, because everyone else is taken"

Slinky plus escalator = endless fun

I don't have a short attention span, I just—ooh, a kitty!

A black man walked into a room. A white man said, "Colored people are not allowed in this room," The black man said,"Now listen here sir, when I was born I was  BLACK, when I grew up, I was  BLACK , when I am sick, I am  BLACK , when I go in the sun I'm  BLACK , when I'm cold, I'm  BLACK , and when I die I'll be  BLACK . But you, sir, when you were born you were  PINK ,when you are sick you are  GREEN , when you go in the sun you are  RED , when you are cold you are  BLUE , and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored!"

If you hate racism, put this on your profile!

95% of girls would cry if Justin Bieber were kidnapped, put this on your profile if you're part of the 5% that is torturing your new prisoner!!

Put this on your profile if you're surprised that Aphrodite has not cursed the people who write the stories that do something horrible to Percabeth!

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similar, put this on your profile.

95% of teens would cry if they saw Miley Cyrus at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this EVERYWHERE if you are in the 5 percent that would shout, "Jump already!"

92% of the teenage population would be dead if One Direction decided breathing wasn't cool. Put this on your profile if you would be one of the 8% laughing hysterically in the background!!!

If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, put this on your profile.

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, put this on your profile!

93 percent of Americans would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", put this on your profile.

95% of girls would sit and cry if Justin Bieber jumped off of the Empire State Building. Copy and Paste this if you are part of the 5% that would sit there with popcorn and a soda and yell, "Do a flip!

97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Patterson (Edward Cullen from Twilight) standing on top of a skyscraper, about to jump. Put this on your profile if you're one of the 3% who would sit there eating popcorn screaming, "DO A FLIP YOU SPARKLY RETARD!!

98 percent of teenagers has or does smoke pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, and never will, copy and paste this on your profile.

96% of young girls would cry if they saw Edward Cullen in flames, 2% would be holding marshmallows on a stick. Copy this if you be the 2% wondering how the heck he got out of the book.

You See a Book

You see a book, I see a treasure

You see boredom, I see pleasure

You think  useless, I think  priceless

You say,"A waste of time," though I say,"timeless"

Where you see paper, I see a world

Where magic and miracles and mysteries unfurl

You see a cover with a meaningless name

While I see a fantasy waiting to be tamed

You see a book, I see a jewel

You just scoff and say I'm a fool

You see stupid, I see amazing

You push me around but it doesn't faze me

You see the movie, I read the book

You say that's lame, but you've misunderstood

You see a book. I see more.

You just sneer and call it a chore.

I hold my book out in front of me

And demand you tell me what you see

And if you still see a simple book,

I bid you take a  closer   look.

If you see what I see, copy and paste this into your profile

The Percy Jackson pledge

I promise to remember Percy whenever I’m at sea

I promise to remember Annabeth whenever a spider comes at me

I promise to protect nature for Grover's sake of course

I promise to remember Luke when my heart fills with remorse

I promise to remember Chiron whenever I see a sign that says free pony ride

I promise to remember Tyson whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side

I promise to remember Thalia whenever a friend is scared of heights

I promise to remember Clarisse whenever I see someone that gives me a fright

I promise to remember Bianca whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother

I promise to remember Nico whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others

I promise to remember Zoë whenever I watch the stars

I promise to remember Rachel whenever a limo passes my car.

Yes I promise to remember PJO wherever I may go

Heroes of Olympus Pledge

I promise to remember Jason

whenever someone forgets something...

I promise to remember Piper

whenever I see someone feel unwanted by their parents...

I promise to remember Leo

when I see someone run away...

I promise to remember Annabeth

when someone misses someone...

I promise to remember Percy

when I see someone refuse to give up...

I promise to remember Hazel

when I see someone who has made a hard decision...

I promise to remember Frank

when someone is different then expected to be...

I promise to remember Reyna

when I see a leader...

I promise to remember Octavian

when I see a ripped toy...

I promise to remember Don the Faun

when someone asks me for money...

I promise to remember HoO

wherever I may go...

The Olympian Pledge

I promise to remember Ares

Each time I hear of World War II

And I promise to remember Athena

Whenever I hear of a loom

I promise to use the internet

For Hermes' sake of course

And I promise to remember Poseidon

Whenever I ride a horse

I promise to remember Zeus

Whenever lightning fills the sky

And I promise to remember Hera

Every time a guy makes a girl cry

I promise to remember Aphrodite

Whenever I see a girdle made of gold

And I promise to remember Apollo

When the sun is very bold

I promise to remember Artemis

When the moon shines in the night

And I promise to remember Hades

When something gives me a fright

I promise to remember Demeter

Whenever a daughter moves away

And I promise to remember Hephaestus

When someone never gets their way

I promise to remember Dionysus

When I am at a party

And I promise to remember Hestia

When someones smile is very hearty

Yes I promise to remember The Gods

Wherever I may go

So that all may see my obsession

Because I know what the Olympians know!

Ways to Annoy people at the cinema:

Throw popcorn in the air and yell, "It's snowing!"

Go, "Oooooh..." whenever anyone kisses.

Clap when the good guy gets killed.

During the previews, yell, "Can you fast-forward it?"

Whenever the bad guy is doing something devious, say, "Watch out!"

Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.

Tell the man selling popcorn that the bathroom is flooding.

Yell out what is going to happen.

Wear a cape and when its your turn to get popcorn yell, "I'm Batman! Hahaha!" and run away.

When people attempt to sit next to you, say that they cannot sit next to you because you invisible friend already is.

Dress for every movie as if it were the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

Wear 3D glasses. Complain loudly how bad the effects ar e.

Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.

Every time a character's name is mentioned do the Richmeister. (for a guy named Nick say, the Nickmeister, the Nickenator, the Nickarino...)

Bring a beach ball. Toss it around.

Try to start a wave.

Become a bookie. Take bets on who will die first.

Sit in the back and throw eggs at the projection window.

Every time someone curses cover your ears and scream, "No profanity!"

Sing with the theme music.

Bring and use your own air freshener.

At the ticket booth, request tickets for really old movies, such as, "I'll have two tickets for the Goonies."

Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.

Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.

Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"

Use binoculars. Stare at the audience rather than the movie.

Bring a Nintendo laser gun. Shoot at the screen.

Clap loudly every time a person walks into the theater late.

When someone kicks the back of your chair, scream, "Ahhh, whiplash!"

Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

Ask the person at the ticket window, "Do you work here?"

Start a standing ovation at the end of the movie.

Quote all dialogue 4 seconds after it is said on the screen.

Get up frequently and leave the room while singing "Let's all go to the lobby to get ourselves a treat"

Every time there is a gunshot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.

Play musical chairs, getting up frequently and moving right next to someone sitting by himself/herself.

Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

Before the movie begins, tape fart cushions to various chairs in the theater room.

Bring a portable air popper, pop your own popcorn.

Bring a water gun and shoot it at anyone who begins talking then say very loudly, "SHH!"

Before the commercials start and people are just coming in shout so that people outside can hear, "I'M SO VERY SORRY! YOU'RE TOO LATE!"

Tie a cardboard box around your waist and walk up and down the aisles shouting "Get your popcorn, peanuts!"

Cough really loudly right at the most important part of the movie, so nobody can hear it, like when the killer's name is going to be said.

Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.

Bring a pager or cellphone and set them off every 5 minutes, you can also set off a watch alarm if you have a loud one.

Say, "Shhhh" every 5 minutes.

Pass by a room that's showing a movie you've already seen, put your head into the room, and scream the end.

33 Things to do in an Elevator:

1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2. Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4. Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5. Meow occasionally.

6. Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM!" - And back away slowly.

7. Say "DING!" at each floor.

8. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

9. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10. Stare grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I have new socks on.

12. Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15. As you are coming to the end of the ride, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.

16. Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, and then scream: "That's mine!"

19. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20. Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

21. Swat at flies that don't exist.

22. Make car race noises when someone gets on or off.

23. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

24. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

25. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

26. Take shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.

27. Ask people which floor they want, then say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style, "Is that your final answer?"

28. Also in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say, "You should be ashamed of yourself!" and leave the lift totting.

29. Ask, "Did you feel that?"

30. Tell people that you can see their aura.

31. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

32. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

33. Dress up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare at someone and in a deep voice, announce, "It is time..."

Random quotes from people I know:

"PJO fans' logic: Oh? You wanna argue about BFs/GFs? Nah, I would much rather argue about how to kill a hydra!"

-ID65

"Most people think that I'm a weird, crazy, annoying nerd. My friends think that I'm an awesomely weird, crazy, annoying nerd."

-PiNerd of the Hephaestus Cabin (Me!)

"Violence is always an option. It's just not always the best option."

-PiNerd of the Hephaestus Cabin (Me again! Man, this is kind of pitiful, isn't it?)

"What did I

98 percent of teenagers has or does smoke pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, and never will, copy and paste this on your profile.

95% of girls would sit and cry if Justin Beiber jumped off of the Empire State Building. Copy and paste this if you are part of the 5% that would sit there with popcorn and a soda and yell,"Do a flip!"

97% of teens would cry if they saw Robert Patterson (Edward Cullen from Twilight) standing on top of a skyscraper, about to jump. Put this on your profile if you're one of the 3% who would sit there eating popcorn screaming, "DO A FLIP YOU SPARKLY RETARD!!

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that, paste this to your profile

98% of teenagers drink or have been around alcohol, put this on your profile if you like MUFFINS!

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, copy this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb war with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

If your profile is long, copy this onto it to make it even longer.

If you have ever copied and pasted something copy and paste this onto your profile.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?

95% of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the 5% who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

If you are ready to stand up for what you believe in and not what other people tell you to believe, copy and paste this into your profile

Normal People vs. PJO fans

NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast

PJO FANS: will ask Zeus to make it rain

NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings

PJO FANS:won't go to one because they will take away their awesome demigod powers

NORMAL PEOPLE: say, "Shut up or I'll tell on you!"

PJO FANS: say,"Shut up or my godly parent will vaporize you!"

NORMAL PEOPLE: think that PJO fans are stupid

PJO FANS: know that normal people are stupid

NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell,"HELP ME SOMEBODY!"

PJO FANS: when being chased use their awesome demigod powers

NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms

PJO FANS: yell at Zeus to calm down

NORMAL PEOPLE: would pinky promise

PJO FANS: would swear on the river Styx

NORMAL PEOPLE: dont have this on their profile

PJO FANS: MUST have this on their profile!

Important Things I Learned From Rick Riordan

-Even cat goddesses like growling at birds.

-The five elements are earth, air, fire, water, and cheese.

-Children of rival gods can fall in love.

-No one really knows why the Egyptians wrote without vowels.

-Nemean lions can be defeated with freeze dried ice cream.

-Eating fruit bats is bad for your health.

-Contrary to popular belief, hellhounds can be domesticated.

-The Set animal does not appreciate being named Leroy.

-Yes, that twelve year old wearing a silver jacket is a goddess.

-Jackal headed gods can be very attractive.

-Math teachers really are evil.

-Set's secret name is Evil Day. (Use this to your advantage...)

-It's not easy to insult a daughter of Athena.

-Elvis was a magician. No, really.

-Do not trust the bald man who wants to sell you a water bed.

-Boomerangs can cast spells.

-It's possible to gamble moonlight.

-Even the ferryman of the dead wants a pay raise.

-Rainbows have power.

-If you hear a voice in your head, you're not crazy - you just have an uber-powerful god living inside you.

-Demons will give you free samples if you ask nicely.

-Underwater kisses are way better than normal ones.

-Even plants can wage war.

-It's not safe to leave a possessed hispanic alone in a warship.

-You can use bubble wrap and wood sticks as a splint.

-Bacchus wants to turn Percy into a dolphin.

Quotes from PJO/HOO

“Grover was sniffing the wind, looking nervous. He fished out his acorns and threw them into the sand, then played his pipes. They rearranged themselves in a pattern that made no sense to me, but Grover looked concerned. 'That's us,' he said. 'Those five nuts right there.' 'Which one is me?' I asked. 'The little deformed one,' Zoe suggested. 'Oh, shut up.' ― Rick Riordan,  The Titan's Curse

“'Wow,' Thalia muttered. 'Apollo is hot.' 'He's the sun god,' I said. 'That's not what I meant.'" ― Rick Riordan,  The Titan's Curse

“'The real story of the Fleece: there were these two children of Zeus, Cadmus and Europa, okay? They were about to get offered up as human sacrifices, when they prayed to Zeus to save them. So Zeus sent this magical flying ram with golden wool, which picked them up in Greece and carried them all the way to Colchis in Asia Minor. Well, actually it carried Cadmus. Europa fell off and died along the way, but that's not important.'

'It was probably important to her.'" ― Rick Riordan,  The Sea of Monsters

“'What if it lines up like it did in the Trojan War ... Athena versus Poseidon?' 'I don't know. But I just know that I'll be fighting next to you.' 'Why?' 'Because you're my friend, Seaweed Brain. Any more stupid questions?' ― Rick Riordan,  The Lightning Thief

“'You are okay?' he asked. 'Not eaten by monsters?' 'Not even a little bit.' I showed him that I still had both arms and both legs, and Tyson clapped happily. 'Yay!' he said. 'Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!' I hoped he didn't mean all at the same time, but I told him absolutely, we'd have a lot of fun this summer.” ― Rick Riordan,  The Battle of the Labyrinth

“Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?” ― Rick Riordan,  The Lightning Thief

“'God alert!' Blackjack yelled. 'It's the wine dude!' Mr. D sighed in exasperation. 'The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!'" ― Rick Riordan,  The Titan's Curse

“Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can." Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?" Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?" "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries." Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom."I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand." "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said. "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt.”

-Rick Riordan,  The Titan's Curse

“'Monkey bars,' Annabeth said. 'I'm great at these.' She leaped onto to the first rung and start swinging her way across. She was scared of tiny spiders, but not of plummeting to her death from a set of monkey bars. Go figure.”

― Rick Riordan,  The Battle of the Labyrinth

“'Now, come over here so I can pat you down.' 'But you don't have-' Percy stopped. 'Uh, sure.' He stood next to the armless statue. Terminus conducted a rigorous mental pat down. 'You seem to be clean,' Terminus decided. 'Do you have anything to declare?' 'Yes,' Percy said. 'I declare that this is stupid.'" Rick Riordan ,  The Son of   Neptune

Sarcasm is a body's natural defense against stupid people.

They say "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you just stood there and yelled "Bang!", I don't think you'd kill too many people.

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh harder.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder.

ONE DAY A DAD COMES HOME DRUNK AND MAD. HE PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS HIS WIFE AND THEN TURNS THE GUN ON HIMSELF. HIS LITTLE GIRL SITS BEHIND THE COUCH CRYING. THE POLICE CAME AND TOOK THE LITTLE GIRL TO A NEW FAMILY. HER FIRST DAY TO SUNDAY SCHOOL SHE WALKS INTO THE BUILDING AND SEES A PICTURE OF JESUS ON THE CROSS.

THE LITTLE GIRL ASKS THE TEACHER: How did that man get off the cross?

THE TEACHER REPLIED: He never did.

THE LITTLE GIRL ARGUED: Yes he did. When mommy and daddy fought, he sat next to me behind the couch and told me everything was gonna be all right...

66% of you won't repost this. BUT REMEMBER THE BIBLE SAID, '' DENY ME IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS AND I WILL DENY YOU IN FRONT OF MY FATHER" Actually it didn't say that exactly, but something like that!

Don't try to fit in. It just makes the really cliché and unoriginal people more likely to beat you up. Instead, act weird, eccentric, and crazy. Thsn, when you prosper later in life, you can look back and be glad you weren't one of those idiots who decided to be like everyone else and went on that one trip with the bomb under the floor of the rooms the unoriginals were staying at.

Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is after my lucky charms".

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month".

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force".

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, I should assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day".

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I will not say the phrase "Get a Life" to Voldemort.

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

27) I will not steal the Gryffindor sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's".

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

32) If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion

35) I will not call the Weasley twins, "bookends".

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends".

37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

50) I will not attack my fellow classmates.

51) I will not make an impossible riddle for people to give an answer to enter the Ravenclaw area.

Other Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:

1) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

2) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

3) I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him they're real animals.

4) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

5) When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Batmoblie, Robin!"

6) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental.

7) I will not spike the punch at any special occasion, especially not the Yule Ball.

8) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

9) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

10) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

11) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.

12) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

13) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.

14) I will not put Muggle fairy books in the History section at the library.

15) I will not send Snape a bottle of shampoo for Christmas.

16) I am not allowed to tell Hufflepuffs there is no Santa Clause.

17) I am not allowed to refer to myself as the New Dark Lord.

18) I am not allowed to sneak into Professor Snape's private chambers to watch him sing I Will Survive in the mirror, as it is disturbing.

19) I am not allowed to steal Professor Flitwicks wand, hold it over my head and laugh as he tries to reach it.

20)I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.

21) I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.

22) I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

23) The next time that I see Rita Skeeter, I am not to threaten her with a can of Raid.

24.) I will not subvert the lock on the fourth-floor girls' bathroom and sell its location to first-years as "The Chamber of Secrets".

25) When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.

26) Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

27) A Muggle "vacuum cleaner" is not acceptable Quidditch equipment, even if it has been enchanted to fly.

28) Hogsmeade village is not "a wretched hive of scum and villainy."

29) I will not tell Professor Trelawney that I prophesied her death.

30) I will also not tell Professor Trelawney that I had a vision of her killing the Dark Lord.

40.) Sending rings to the nine senior faculty at Yuletide, with the return address "Voldemort", is not funny.

41) Insisting that the school acquire computers and network the buildings is a pointless request as they claim that a quill and parchment is sufficient.

42) Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on the resident ghosts and poltergeists.

43) I may not have a private army.

44) I must not substitute chocolate-flavoured laxative for Professor Lupin's prescription-strength chocolate.

45) Nor am I to in any way substitute, alter, hide, or otherwise tamper with Professor Dumbledore's candy.

46) I am not the wicked witch of the west.

47) I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.

48) I will not melt if water is poured over me.

49) Neither will Professor Umbridge.

50) I shouldn't use Photoshop to create incriminating photos of my house prefects or tutors.

51) I will not enchant the Golden Snitch to fly up the nearest fan's nose.

52) I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.

53) I will not test my Potions assignments by spiking Snape's drink with them.

54) Especially not all of them at once.

55) I will not try to hock off my old piercings as "priceless Muggle artifacts."

56) I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos."

57) Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.

58) I am not able to see the Grim Reaper, nor am I to claim that he is standing by the Headmaster, tapping an hourglass and looking at him impatiently. Or, for that matter, Harry Potter.

59) When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce 'These are not the droids you are looking for'.

60) Thestrals do not resemble the Muggle toys known as 'My Little Pony'.

61) The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smarts and the Junior Death Eaters.

62) Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not be improved by the introduction of Muggle firearms.

63) Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle-axes are not acceptable either.

64) I will not claim there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggins.

65) I will not use the Marauder's Map for stalking purposes.

66) I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

67) I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.

68) I will not create a betting pool that Voldemort is Harry Potter's father.

69) Headmaster Dumbledore is of no relation to Willy Wonka.

70) Professor Snape's proper given name is not Princess Silvermoon Fairywing Glimmer McSparkles.

71) Harry Potter and Ron Weasley are not the magical equivalent of "Batman and Robin".

72) I will not play the Imperial March for Professor Snape.

73) However, when Lucius Malfoy visits, I may play it.

74) If I insist on carrying out my plans of producing "Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical", I will do so under a nom-de-plume.

75) I will not attempt to recruit the title character to play himself. Even if he looks good in tap shoes.

76) I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.

77) I am not allowed to discuss my theory that Voldemort is actually the second cousin of Sauron.

78) I am not a 'ninja sent here by Lord Voldemort to destroy Harry Potter' and should stop shouting this at meal times.

79) It’s not tasteful to approach Cho wearing a shirt that says "All The Good Looking Ones Die Young" with a picture of Cedric Diggory on it.

80) I will not yell "Hey look! It’s Lord Voldemort!" at Hogsmeade.

81) I will not tease Voldemort about the time he needed his pink flowery teddy bear to comfort him when he had that bad, bad nightmare about Harry.

82) I will not charm a poster of Britney Spears on Draco's wall.

83) I am not allowed to begin each Herbology class by singing the theme song to “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.”

84) I will not call Professor McGonagall “McGoogles”.

85) I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arithmancy exams.

86) There is no such thing as the chamber of Double Secret Probation.

87) My name is not “the Dark Lord Happy-Pants” I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.

88) Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.

89) I will not douse Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it and standing by the fire in the common room.

90) I will not tell first years they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.

91) I will not teach the house elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.

92) I will not give Gryffindors pixie sticks.

93) I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup, and Bubbles.

94) A time turner is not a flux capacitator I should therefore not try to install it in a Muggle car.

95) I shall not refer to DADA professors as canaries in a coal mine.

96) When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June good vs. evil fight I will not lift my wand skyward and shout “There can only be ONE”.

97) A wand is for magic only, it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or playing drums no matter how bored I become.

98) It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory no matter how wicked the results would be.

99) 42 is not the answer to every question on the O.W.L.S.

100) I am allowed to have a cat, rat, toad, or an owl. I am not allowed to have reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

101) No matter how good an Australian accent I can do I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

102) I will not refer to the Defense against the Dark arts professor as Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

103) Dumbledore is not Gandalf, and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.

104) Do not confuse Aragorn, Eragon and Aragog. Ever.

105) I may not introduce Nagini to Indiana Jones.

106) Challenging Ron to a slug-eating contest is just mean.

107) Under no circumstances am I allowed to refer to Voldemort as "Baldy".

108) Even if he is bald.

109) I am not allowed to tell the first years to have a staring contest with the Basilisk.

110) I am prohibited from sprinkling glitter on Draco Malfoy, dying his hair, and call him Edward.

111) I am not allowed sell Mrs. O'Leary to Hagrid.

112) I will not give Professor Lupin a collar as a Christmas or birthday present.

113) Saying "I think I 'taw a puddytat!" every time I see Professor McGonagall is most certainly NOT allowed.

114) Offering Voldemort a colonial-era powdered wig (complete with ponytail) will not amuse him and I am not allowed to do so, even if he needs a new hair do.

115) I am not allowed to paint the school neon pink as the only person it will amuse is Professor Umbridge.

116) I must not introduce Voldemort to a psychiatrist as it is likely to result in him having a temper tantrum.

117) I am not allowed to introduce the Cullens to Professor Lupin.

118) I am not allowed to tease Professor Lupin about his 'time of the month'.

119) I shall not play match-maker for Voldemort on Valentine's Day because it will only make him cry when no one will go out with him because of his lack of hair.

120) I am not allowed to be a match-maker for Shelob and Aragog either.

121) I will not arrange a battle to the death between nine Hungarian Horntails and the Nazgul.

122) I will not scream, "HIS NAME IS EDWARD!" any time I hear the words Cedric Diggory.

123) I will not ask the centaurs if they know where Chiron is because I have found a demigod.

124) I will not shout at dinner that Darth Sideous is Voldemort's uncle, even if they do look alike.

125) I shall not try to persuade everyone that Percy Weasley's true name is Percy Jackson and he slays monsters with a pen for a living.

126) I will not sing 'I'm a Survivour' after the Battle of Hogwarts.

127) No matter how fun it looks, I will not stand on a table and do the Macarena at the Yule Ball.

128) Professor Lupin is not the magical equivlant of Wolverine and I am not allowed to address him as such.

129) Even if I'm bored, I am not allowed to ask Snape what is the mysterious ticking noise.

130) I will not dye Harry's hair pink or give him brown contacts, just because I am sick of black-haired, green-eyed heroes.

131) Whether they owe me money or not, I am not allowed to sneak into Fred and George's dorm at the dead of night to die their hair blond, spike it unreasonably high, then call them John and Edward in the morning.

132) I will not send Voldemort white robes for Christmas and claim he changed his name to, "Voldy the White."

133) And when he wears them, I am not allowed to run around Hogsmeade screaming, "AHHH! It's an albino dementor!"

134) It is not tasteful to send Professor McGonagall a scratching post for Christmas.

135) Bringing a magic eight ball to Divination class will only get Professor Trelawney annoyed at your, "Lack of Inner Eye."

136) To which I am not allowed to reply.

137) I will not refer to the Accio charm as 'The Force'.

138) Nor am I allowed to have lightsaber fights with my wand and make whoosing noises.

139) "Because they both need to wash their hair," is not proof Professor Snape and Aragorn are related.

140) There is also no proof that Gimli and Flitwick are related and I am stop asking Flitwick if he's been swimming with any hairy women lately.

141) Singing 'Hungry Like The Wolf' in Professor Lupin's class is not a way to get extra credit.

142) I am not allowed to write on the wall in the Gryffindor Common Room, "I know where you live" or "I stole all your underwear!"

143) I am not allowed to replace the Bludgers with peas, tomatoes, plums or anything that is not a Bludger.

144) Portable swamps are not funny.

145) And I will not set off the above in Snape's sleeping quarters.

146) Or in the Slytherin's bathrooms.

147) In fact, I am not allowed to even buy portable swamps.

148) Harry Potter is not a Son of Poseidon and saying this everytime I see him will only result in him filing a restraining order against me.

149) My patronus is not a Nazgul.

150) Neither is my animagus form.

151) "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

152) It still is not appropiate, even if I have subsituted the flying monkeys with gummy bears.

153) I will not levitate everywhere in a big pink bubble.

154) My professors have neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Sugar Quills.

155) No part of the school uniform is edible.

156) Nor am I allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.

157) I will not try to take house points from the first years for "being too goddamned short".

158) Especially as I am in no position of authority and Dumbledore would have to be heavily drugged before he would ever make me a prefect.

159) I am not allowed to wear singing holiday-themed ties and claim that they are officially part of my uniform. Especially not during June.

160) Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'.

161) Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'.

162) I am not the reincarnation of Merlin.

163)I am not allowed to Accio the clothing of any person while they are wearing it.

164) I am to attend astronomy class and should stop yelling that aliens will abduct me if I do.

165) Hogwarts does not require a karaoke machine.

166) No matter how much I would enjoy watching Harry sing, "Saturday Night."

167) "Defying my will" is not a crime worthy of life in Azkaban, and I should not tell that to the first-years.

168) I will not speak to Professor Snape with a Transylvanian accent.

169) Nor am I to ask if he is Carlisle Cullen's evil, unfortunate-looking twin.

170) I will not start a rumor saying that Professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while showering. Or for that matter doing any other activity.

171) Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house is forbidden.

172) Voldemort does not wish to appear as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics. And no, he does not care how much money I make from it.

173) The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror".

174) Transfiguring Draco Malfoy's uniform into a gold thong is also inappropriate.

175) I will not attempt to determine whether Malfoy is a natural blond.

176) I will not sprend rumors that Legolas Greenleaf is his second cousin either.

177) Luna Lovegood is NOT always on "physicidelic mushrooms" and I should stop implying that she is.

178) The same goes for Professor Trelawney.

179) I will not get a tattoo of a smiley face on my arm and claim that it is the new Dark Mark.

180) When signing to all of these rules, I am not allowed to write in red ink and say that the Cullens lent me some grizzly bear blood.

181) I will not set my robes on fire to get out of potions.

182) I should not be a sports' commentator for Ron and Hermione's arguments.

183) Hogwarts does not need a "This many days since Harry has almost died," sign.

Things I'm not allowed to do in the Hunger Games

1) Ask President Snow what he got me for Christmas

2) Call Katniss "Catpiss"

3) Ask Peeta if his brothers are named Rye and Pumperknickle

4) Replace Cinna's synthetic fire with real fire and say it makes it authentic

5) During the countdown, pretend to throw something at the Careers and scream "BOOM!"

6) Challenge Haymitch to a drinking contest

7) Enroll Cato in an anger management class

8) Send Seneca Crane shaving gel for his birthday

9) A sandwhich costume is NOT appropriate to wear to the interview

10) The Hunger Games is nothing like the Running Man and calling it so is punishable by death

11) President Snow is not Julius Caesar and asking Seneca when the Ides of March is is a bad idea

12) Calling President Snow "Santa Claus" will get you exicuted.

13) Ask Gale if I can introduce him to Jacob from Twilight because they have so much in common

14) I am not an alien fish and screaming that I am during the Reaping will not be tolerated

15) Octavia will not melt if I dump water on her

16) Saying that Clove is a lucky charm and Marvel is the LepRecon  to  Clove and Marvel is a bad life choice, however saying it when they aren't listening is always a good joke

17) It's a bad idea to tell Clove to get a breath mint when she's pinned me to the ground and talking about cutting me open

18) Calling Peeta the next Barack Obama

19) Give Effie a high five and then tell her I didn't wash my hands after I used the bathroom

20)  Actually  throw something at the Careers during the countdown and watch them go BOOM!

21) Teach the Jabberjays to say curse words

22) Taunt the monkey-mutts with bananas

23) I will not play the Imperial March whenever President Snow walks into a room

24) Scream "To the Batmobile, Robin!" whenever they show the dead tribute's faces in the sky

25) I may not refer to either of the District Four tributes as the Fish Breath

26) Tell Gale that Thor looks like him on steroids (HOT)

27) Shout "Mellark!" whenever someone is talking about Pita bread.

28) Tell Cato he is "a quality dude" to try to get him to let me to join the Careers

29) Even if he is

30) Ask Annie how big Finnick's trident is

31) Sing 'Dancing In the Rain' whenever it rains blood in the clock arena

32) When the clock arena stops spinning say, "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore"

33) Tell Cato I stole his nose and then run off with him chasing me trying to get it back

OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Dear millionaires and billionaires, If you don't have a bookshelf that spins into another room, give me your money because you're spending it wrong.

Friends ask why you're crying. Best friends already have the shovel ready to bury whoever made you cry.

Falls over and everybody stares* "I didn't fall, I just was testing gravity... It still works."

Never annoy a writer. He/She may put you in a book and kill you. BE WARNED!

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Girls who are NOT in love with Edward Cullen/ Robert Pattison are fast becoming an endangered species. If you are part of this endangered species, copy and paste this in your profile.

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